After the Ministry
by mylovelywatson
Summary: Harry has just seen Sirius murdered in front of his eyes. He arrives at Hogwarts, shaken up and above all is suffering a terrible grief. He feels life is out of control, but a small light guides him.


I sat down on my four poster bed, barely even registering Ron staring at me. His eyes bore into mine, he looked for any sign of weakness or trauma. _Of course he would, my last family member had been murdered by Bellatrix Lestrange _A harsh cold voice inside my head spoke.

My insides burned and ached, no I couldn't think about Sirius. Another memory had allowed itself to slip past my defences. Sirius grinning and shouting encouragements at him, while they fought Lucius Malfoy. Suddenly, a green jet of light had sped towards Sirius hitting him squarely on the chest. His smile had faded slowly while turning to look at him, his body had floated into a mysterious looking mirror.

NO! I could not be thinking about this, he told Ron to leave him alone. He just needed some space, he felt himself suffocating under all the grief. It pressed painfully on his sides, he lifted his hands covering his face trying to forget everything. Then it crashed over him, like a wave of grief that had swallowed him up. He was wrestling against the tides, he did not want to give in because once he did it would be too painful, he didn't know if he would resurface at all.

Tears started to run down his cheeks. _Traitors _He thought angrily, his body was acting of its own accord. _Did it even happen? _He knew it was a stupidest and above all childish question, but he rather not face the pain. Harry hid behind his curtains of his bed, he wanted to ignore the world around him. He thought back when Sirius had hugged him and reassured him back in 12 Grimmauld Place that he was not turning bad, that something inside of him did not snap and he wasn't becoming…a monster. That word had triggered an image of Bellatrix, he instinctively reached for his wand and it started to emanate red sparks from the tip.

Then he was eagerly wishing for control as he sobbed, his life was spiralling out of control and he honestly had enough. _Why? _He though angrily and a bit sadly to himself. _Had I deserved this? _He tried to remember any action that had caused him to ever deserve this. He came up with thoughts of him sneaking out of bed at night and visit Hagrid with Ron and Hermione. His wand slipped out his hands, instead he curled them into fists wanting to punch the living daylights of anything. Unfortunately, his pillow had not been enough to satisfy him. Then a little voice in his head had spoken _He did not die in vain Harry. You know it, you know that he wanted to protect you. He wasn't one to lie back when others were trying to stop Voldemort. He came to the Ministry because he loved you _He fought back fiercely _IT WAS ME! It's my fault, I saw Sirius being tortured by VOLDEMORT! If I wasn't being an idiot and didn't bother to go to the Ministry, he'd have been alive. _The little voice had become much softer and patient with him_ It wasn't your fault, remember Mr. Weasley. If it wasn't for you, he'd have been dead. I know you think it's your fault, but you loved Sirius and went to save him. Could you really ignore that you saw him being tortured? _

I closed my eyes, moving into a comfortable spot on the side of my bed with an arm tucked under the pillow. He imagined the voice caressing his cheek and hugging him, it was a sweet voice and sounded awfully like a mother would. _It'll be alright one day, you know this won't last forever. Nothing does last forever, including these feelings. INCLUDING VOLDEMORT. _He imagined himself raising his eyebrows, that was a little farfetched considering the situation and power he held right now, and it was only going to get worse. _Maybe not right away, but he will be finished for good someday. _The voice had answered his unasked question, he would smile but it felt wrong.

He felt childish, but started to think about his mother and father. They had died, but what if they were here? Would they still put up with him knowing Voldemort had been seeking to murder him, even at this very moment? _Mmhmm, they would. Harry they all loved you very much. _He rolled his eyes, _yeah and look where they ended up._

The voice became much more stronger, but still spoke softly to him. _They went as they desired, they had wanted to PROTECT YOU. _The last two words were pronounced loudly and clearly, his chest began to rise and a warm feeling had illuminated from within him. It was tingly and good, it reminded him that they loved him and would kill to be with him, just as he would do the same. _You haven't lost everything Harry, no there are still people out there that care very much for you. _Harry thought of Ron and Hermione, two images had popped up of them. Both were safe, happy, and smiling at him, even waving their arms to come join them. _Sirius left you loved and safe, the way you would do for him. _Another tear slipped from his face, it was cool and treaded across to his lips. He brushed it away with eyes still closed, the bed felt comfortable and warm around him. He was exhausted, his body began to sag a bit and knew he should get some sleep tonight, even though he would probably not sleep very well anyways.

Harry's clothes were extremely uncomfortable, he fumbled around with hands on his bed and finally met a cool wooden stick with his fingers. Harry grasped his wand firmly and waved it, muttering an incantation and felt his clothes turn into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. He swung his blanket on top of him and drifted to sleep comfortably, still shaken up by recent events, but felt much better than he did before. That night he dreamt of his favourite people in the world his parents, Sirius, Hermione, Ron, and the Weasleys. All safe and happy.


End file.
